Friday, August 09, 2013
A "Transcript" Of A Tamaya Meeting Between The Koch Brothers, Susana, Paul Ryan And Eric Cantor; Guaranteed Summer Smiles Are Up Next
Party activists are emailing in saying the move would allow current Chairman Sam Bregman to make a run for Governor. Bregman said when he ran for chair this spring that he would not be running for Governor in '14.
Judging by initial reaction among some county party officials, this proposed rules change is going over like a lead balloon.
Nadia Sikes, Otero County Dem Party Chair said:
This rule change would be inappropriate. I would vote against it.
But if Sam does want to run for Guv, there are no shortage of possible candidates to replace him as chairman.....
Now some fun satire as we take you to the Hyatt Tamaya resort in Bernalillo where this past week the conservative billionaire Koch brothers hosted a secret political confab featuring appearances by ex-VP candidate Paul Ryan, House Majority Leader Eric Cantor and none other than our very own Governor Martinez. How would you like to have been a fly on the wall for a meeting between all of them?
Well, courtesy of one of our Alligators in the pond, we bring you the (fantasy) transcript of that hush-hush, on the down low session. It comes from a Dem Gator so Republicans---prepare yourself,
Setting: A meeting room at the Hyatt Tamaya. Present: Governor Susana Martinez, The Koch brothers, Rep. Paul Ryan, House Majority Leader Eric Cantor and the man behind the curtain, Jay McCleskey
Koch Brother I: My brother and I thank you for hosting us in your beautiful state, Governor.
Koch Brother II: We’ve come here, Governor, to lay the groundwork for Republican gains in the Congress in 2014 and to take back the White House in 2016. You could be a big part in making that happen. The GOP is no longer about John McCain, Mitt Romney and Bob Dole. We’ve overseen the development of a new product of exciting new GOP leaders like Eric (Cantor) and Paul (Ryan). Isn’t that right, boys?
Ryan, Cantor: Yes, sir!
Koch II: As you can see with our fine gentlemen here, we have no shortage of handsome, dark haired, white guys that easily could make the pages of GQ or be mistaken as former members of the Backstreet Boys.
Ryan, Cantor: Yes, sir!
Koch II: Um, right. Tone it down boys. In other words, Governor, we need to spice up our line-up. We tried with Senator Marco Rubio and he just won’t stay in line and Senator Rand Paul is more crazy than spicy. Governor, we need you on the team. Kind of like Batman and Robin need a Catwoman or the guys on the Jersey Shore need a Snooki. Well, maybe that’s not a good example. Anyway, we want to get to know you better Governor, ask you a few questions , and see how we can work together.
Susana: That would be fine, but I don’t have a lot of time, I think I have to read some books to third graders in Tijeras or something. A lot of our lazy third graders can’t read, you know, and I’m trying to read the books for them.
Koch Brother II: Ok. Really? Tell us a little bit about what you’ve accomplished. We’ve seen you in People magazine and you get lots of nice headlines. I see here the Albuquerque Journal just wrote a story with the headline, “Martinez Skilled at Public Relations.” That’s quite a headline. Sounds like a headline written for a high school newspaper, like, “Jennifer Lopez is a Really Good Singer.” Who do you pay for those headlines?
Susana: Actually, we don’t pay them, we threaten them.
Koch Brother II: Oh, wow, very good, I like how you took a page out of the Nixonian handbook. Good. Who’s the man running your PR?
Susana: He’s the guy over there, behind the draperies, that’s Jay McCleskey (Susana points to a man in a baseball cap hiding behind the draperies).
Koch II: Oh, I see, why is he wearing a headset?
Susana: The headset, oh, that’s what he uses to talk in my ears. He helps me with the tough questions.
Koch II: Ah, I see. That’s OK, Sarah (Palin) used to do that and, um, well, that worked out for her. Kind of. Walk us through what you’ve done, Governor. (Susana adjusts her earpiece)
But the real fun has been the free drinks Chuck and I get at events, the fact that people recognize me and that they appreciate more and more who I am and what I’ve accomplished. I’m an inspiration to people, especially young girls, many of whom can’t read. Oh, I also got to see the pope, too, in Rome, And I drive in a big car with a big desk—in the car. Can you believe that? I sometimes wonder, how’d they get this big desk into this car?
Koch II: Ok, Ok, I get the point. Tell me what have you done to stop the giant government bureaucracy that stands in the way of progress? Our folks like to hear about that.
Susana: Well, we’ve basically ground it to a halt. We really think governing is a thing of the past and a waste of time. Governing’s just not what I’m about. I’m more about prosecuting and reminding folks that I’m good and they’re bad.
Koch II: Right. And how is your re-election looking? Are you going to get a challenge?
Susana: It looks great. We’re on cruise control. It’s amazing considering the state is going down the tubes. Poverty is up and unemployment is up. There are no jobs on the horizon. I sometimes wonder what I would have to do to make people care or get mad at me. Maybe if I laced the green chile with strychnine or something they might notice. . .
Koch II: No opponents?
Susana: Not really, I mean the people they put up are like characters from “One Flew Over the Cookoo’s Nest,” except, without the behavioral health treatment. Get it? (Everyone laughs uncomfortably. Susana goes on. . .)
Koch II: And the Democratic Party, are they on your case?
Susana: Hell no! Their Chairman, Bregman, is like a castrated bull.
Koch II: We could also use your input on how to better attract Hispanic voters to our cause. We did a poor job of it last election, so what can we do better?
Susana: Well, first you have to stop telling Hispanics that you are intent on deporting them. That doesn’t go over well. I have two techniques I like to use. First, if you're going to take something away from Hispanics or make their lives more difficult, blame it on someone else and say it’s beyond your control. You had to take away their health care because Obama forced you to, or we can't create jobs because the federal government is taking them away from us. The second strategy I use is to sell it with a smile. For instance, how could I possibly reduce funding for developmental disabilities when I’m in People Magazine smiling with my disabled sister? See? It’s not that hard!
Koch II: That’s really not bad. Paul, Eric, you could learn something from her.
Ryan, Cantor: Yes, sir!
Koch I: Sounds like you have it all under control, Governor. I think this can be the start of a beautiful friendship. Our money, teamed up with your image is a winning combination!
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(c)NM POLITICS WITH JOE MONAHAN 2013. Not for reproduction without permission of the author